I dedicate this blog subject to my mother, who, in her infinite wisdom, kindly advised that I stop emailing her about all the beer I have been drinking, and start blogging about it instead. While her tone suggested she was asking me to ‘shut up’, I thought the idea was brilliant. So here it is – an odyssey of beer drinking across Asia.

“What’s that sir? You’d like a glass of carbonated hobo’s urine? That will be 25 cents please!”

Apparently Beer Hoi is the cheapest beer in the world; it is also the weakest and most likely to keep you up all night peeing. That said, a lot of fun can be had by chilling out on a grubby side street and sipping Bia Hoi from a plastic tumbler with locals.

Bia Hoi means ‘fresh beer’, and allegedly it’s brewed daily all over the country, distilled into plastic litre bottles and shipped to local bars, restaurants and corner shops, where locals and tourists with a tight budget can drink 10 pints for just over a pound. At that price, can you really complain?

Probably – lets be quite clear here, unless your bladder is the size of a blimp, there is no way you can drink enough of the stuff to get merry without finding yourself permanently stationed over a squattie.

It is undeniably part of the Vietnam experience (especially in Hanoi) and worth at least one night out on the piss (literally) – but if you are a beer connoisseur or on a serious mission, stick the glass bottles. 3/10

Angkor Wat is arguably one of the most impressive temple sites in the world. Unfortunately, its namesake lager, Angkor, will never win a comparable title in the world of beers.

Angkor is brewed by Carlsberg, and it tastes like it. It is not an awful lager (and miles better than the local upstart, Anchor), and it has a respectable 5% alcohol content, but it wont rock anyone’s world. The flavour is weak, especially the draught beer, the colour is pale, the head disappears quickly, and I am fairly certain most bars water it down (as you would too, if you were selling it as cheap as 75 cents). Some people complain of a nasty aftertaste. It will get you nice and drunk though. 5/10

They start young in Laos (she was not actually drinking it, just pouring it)

The King of Beer, drinking BeerLao was a spiritual event for my taste buds. BeerLao is literally everywhere in the country – you cannot move without finding BeerLao bunting, posters, neon signs, or glasses. If you go to someone’s house, regardless of the time of day, you will be offered this amber nectar, and you’re likely to find someone passed out from one too many before breakfast. Even in the remote Kong Lor, in the middle of a pitch black, 7km cave, there was a small electricity box sponsored by – you guessed it, BeerLao.

The price of a 660ml bottle varied from 8,000kip in cheap, less central restaurants and shops, to a whopping 15,000 for a 330ml bottle in the fanciest bar in the country. On average, expect to pay between 10,000 and 12,000 for a big bottle ($1.25 or just under a pound). It has a respectable alcohol content of 5% – do not expect to go out in Laos and drink this beer without getting drunk; locals will ply you with it until you can no longer stand.

BeerLao is brewed with the help of Carlsberg, but don’t hold that against it. The hops and malt are imported from Germany, and the brewers use locally grown jasmine rice, which gives it a unique flavour. On a hot day in Southern Laos, nothing beats this drink for refreshment and relaxation; on a chilly day up north, this brew will warm you up. The BeerLao T-Shirts are a mandatory uniform for anyone who has visited the country.

A typical scene

We give BeerLao 10/10, not just for the smooth taste and low price, but for the awesomeness of Laos’ drinking culture.

Chang’s more sophisticated and sexy cousin, Singha is a step up in the Thai drinks market. It has 6% alcohol, making it one of the stronger lagers in the region, and has a price tag to match coming in at between 80-100 Bhat for 660ml (or ?1.60 – ?2, or $2 – $3).

Despite the relative booziness and the price, Singha did not rock our worlds. It is a run of the mill, albeit very refreshing, lager. You can try this one at home from any leading super market, but there’s not much point.

5/10

The beer brewed by Satan himself: Chang is made from a mix of malt, hops and pure evil. The ‘Chang-over’ is legendary in the SE Asia backpacker community, and something I don’t recommend trying. Our particular ‘Chang-over’ left us incapacitated for over 24 hours in the stifling heat of Bangkok – an experience I am keen to never, ever repeat.

Your first Chang goes down as easy as a St Trinnian, but by beer number two you can begin to taste the chemicals. By beer four your head probably hurts and the inside of your mouth tastes like the inside of a plastics factory.

The 5% alcohol content is appreciated, but the price range of between 50 and 70 Baht for a 660ml bottle is certainly not the cheapest we’ve had (that is 1 – 1.40 GBP, or $1.50- $2).

2/10

Scott proudly owns a ‘wife-beater’ vest with Bintang emblazoned on the front to bed every night, following our month long love affair with the beer as we travelled in Indonesia. Yet, despite this stunning endorsement, Bintang is actually not that good. In Scott’s words, Bintang is an average lager, and he’s right – it’s made by Heineken.

But, in predominantly Muslim Indonesia, you won’t get much else: it is the biggest selling beer in the country, and at 5% alcohol, it does the trick. On one of the incredibly hot days on the beach, no one complained at a cool refreshing lager. Unfortunately, Bintang also loses points on price. A 660ml bottle average at 20,000 Rupiahs – that’s 1.29GBP or $2.10

Bintang gets a less than impressive 4/10